Monthly Check-Up

I am at school today. I can't help but think what this weekend would include if I were at home. I would be lounging with my sisters today, catching up on all our favorite shows. We would later go to Good Friday services and there would be egg hunts, Easter baskets, and meals. So much food you would think you would explode. This is my second Easter in a row that I am not home for. Last Easter wasn't as painful but this one stings.

I think part of it is my comfort of communication is lacking. I don't have internet at my flat and even here at school what I can do is limited. It's because you know the drill, blocking Facebook. I know there is a life without internet but that was a different time. If there was no internet, I don't even think I would travel away from my family. Internet is the one thing that I think, "Yes, I can do it because we can still talk, still Snapchat, still text." When that piece of security is gone, it's stressful. My body has been noticing my stress -my shoulder starts to ache ever so often. The same pain when I first got here so I know that it will pass. I just need to try to relax. Before anyone comments and says anything positive about this or tries to say, "Come on, it could be worse." Don't. I don't want to hear it. I got this all day yesterday and even today from my coworkers. Just say, "It sucks." Because it does. Yesterday, I got to talk to one of my closest and dearest friends who I love drinking tea with and she did just this. She said "I bet it is hard. I can't imagine." Thank you. Sometimes you just need someone to acknowledge that it sucks.

But yes, I have moved into my flat. It's nothing special and there are plenty of flaws but it's mine. I've never lived in the picture-perfect house and I like it. I like having a love-hate relationship where I live. For now, I hate that I have to warm my water up and take the fastest shower ever. I hate that it's constantly chilly but in the summer I will be thankful for this. I love my closet. I love my bed. This is where I spend all of my time. I'm someone who loves doing things in my bed. It's comforting and relaxing. So I turn on the heat and do everything there -even eat. Normal people would buy flowers for their kitchen. Me -I keep them next to my bed. If I kept them in the kitchen, I would never see them. This is why I'm not in a rush to furnish my living room. For now, I'll use at as my exercise room.

The search for some friends is still on. There are two male coworkers (early 30s and mid 40s) that invite me to do things. For this I'm thankful. And even though I'm an "old soul" something is still off. I guess I don't have girlfriends or guys my age to hang out with. I hear people speaking English on the train or randomly on the street but what can I say? You speak English, I speak English -Let's be friends! That has only worked on one occasion. When I was in Italy walking the streets with girls from my program, my now friend Kara turned to us and said, "Hey you speak English!" Kara and I have been friends since. I'm hoping to visit her in August. She is trying to study again in Perugia. Maybe I need to try to be more like Kara. Sometimes I even think, well if I learn German... but it's still the same problem. You don't make friends with the one person you see on the train this one time. And that is also part of this no-internet thing. The people I work with have grown up in Germany. They have family around here or they came to Berlin with friends. I have Mike and Jess, which I am thankful for but I think they would agree we weren't friend-friends. We knew each other. Sure I worked for Mike and we were Facebook friends but truly knowing each other, not so much.

Important Note: I do consider Mike and Jess great friends now. I am thankful for their hospitality and continual willing to give. I would think we would agree before coming we didn't know each other. Now, I would say that is very different.

I wanted to use this time as a check-in. So those who care about what I'm eating, sleeping well, working out, etc. this is for you. And I know who you are -Gram, Patti...

I am eating well. This morning I made a wonderful ham, egg and cheese sandwich. Sometimes you need to be reminded of things from home. I've been eating a lot of fresh fruit. Yesterday, I bought a juicy, perfectly ripe pineapple. You know when there is something in the fridge that you can't get enough of and you just walk pass the fridge and you can't help but sneak a piece? This is how the pineapple is! I keep craving more and more of it. My biggest struggle, just like home, is drinking enough water. I'm working on it.

For sleeping, yes I sleep plenty. I even stay in bed just to waste time. I'm ready for school to start again. I have not worked out yet. It's on the list of things to do this week. I don't want to pay for a gym membership so I need to start doing something. Other than my shoulder from time to time, I've been feeling good. A runny nose has just started but cold weather, rushing around, the norm.

So one last thing, I want you to know I feel like I am in the right place. I feel there is purpose. I believe that I am being revealed many things. Things that I never realized at home. Things that I need to cut off from my spirit. I have recognized how blessed I am. How I am so lucky to have the biggest fans. I wish they were closer but I'm thankful for them. And God's overwhelming goodness has been surprising me. Even though, I am feeling lonesome and longing for home God is working here. I don't feel alone when I remember this.